I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
