Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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