I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize