So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
