I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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