Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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