i think my mom watched the whole time
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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