You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
