dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize