And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
