so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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