please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
