she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
