i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
