my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
