Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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