he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
