He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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