I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
