all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
