I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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