so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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