For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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