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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  Does God suck his dick?

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.

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  19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (913): View more from Kansas

  he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.

  (1-770): View more from Georgia

  You're a good friend.

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• 

  The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (269): View more from Michigan

  You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.

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• (310): View more from California

  But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I want to fling myself into the sun

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• (530): View more from California

  Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship

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