Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.

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  (858): I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association. http://tfl.nu/vbvm
  Replies (15) Good night (4308) Bad night (449)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth

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  (810): ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth http://tfl.nu/99n5
  Replies (10) Good night (519) Bad night (3323)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.

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  (402): What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho. http://tfl.nu/a5a8
  Replies (43) Good night (5222) Bad night (846)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.

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  (503): I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz. http://tfl.nu/wgvl
  Replies (84) Good night (2059) Bad night (6157)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  he said i'm too pretty to suck penis

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  (336): he said i'm too pretty to suck penis http://tfl.nu/wzvb
  Replies (99) Good night (13759) Bad night (1701)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's

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  (410): and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's http://tfl.nu/kr0l
  Replies (25) Good night (2831) Bad night (581)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.

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  (404): So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that. http://tfl.nu/ssua
  Replies (14) Good night (4067) Bad night (819)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  $22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  math is fun

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  (973): $22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency. (1-973): math is fun http://tfl.nu/2txp
  Replies (31) Good night (5206) Bad night (793)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.

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  (409): There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard. http://tfl.nu/fxyx
  Replies (9) Good night (4793) Bad night (1174)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  he just came in and straightened the chair and left again

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  (905): he just came in and straightened the chair and left again http://tfl.nu/sy2j
  Replies (4) Good night (2453) Bad night (803)
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  (646): View more from New York

  but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered

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  (646): but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered http://tfl.nu/sriz
  Replies (8) Good night (3416) Bad night (773)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?

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  (+44): You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother? http://tfl.nu/wexu
  Replies (5) Good night (1168) Bad night (585)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.

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  (660): What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food. http://tfl.nu/k4pm
  Replies (10) Good night (1092) Bad night (388)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.

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  (936): Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major. http://tfl.nu/nm7r
  Replies (2) Good night (360) Bad night (146)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.

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  (507): The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER. http://tfl.nu/0t63
  Replies (2) Good night (876) Bad night (155)

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