fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.