I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
