you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
