my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
