She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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