you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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