Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
