Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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