Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
