He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
