Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
