its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You ruined the universe
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
