Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
