How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
