Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
