I could have mohawked her pubes.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
