did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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