I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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