I seem to have left my pride at pride
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
