does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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