No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
