I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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