she was so not down for the gang bang
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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