Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
