My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
