gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
