Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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