This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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