Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
