remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
