12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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