I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
