Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
