If that was your dad, he is hot
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
