Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She told me I should be a condom model.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
