Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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