wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
