I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize