I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
