GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
