I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
