On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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