We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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