making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
