Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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