I will die if light touches me.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
