don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
