sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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