They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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