Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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