I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
