fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize